I started this blog on October 11, 2018... and here we are just now posting it almost a year later. If that isn't the epitome of my life, I don't know what is.
But I honestly love that God puts things into my heart and doesn't fulfill them completely until later so that I end up having so much more to say about how he has confirmed his promises in my life.
Something that God has been teaching me over the past couple years and really over the course of my life is how he has created me as an ever changing art piece. And the most beautiful thing about a work of art is that it becomes more beautiful as the creating process goes on. Now this does not negate the reality of "first drafts" and "second drafts" and even the "start over" draft that is a right of passage for any up and coming artist. But something beautiful that I've found as I've grown in my relationship with God is that he doesn't make mistakes... he doesn't do "do-overs" he does "make-overs."
In the words of one of my favorite authors, Makota Fujimura, in order for his glory to be seen, he picks up our shattered attempts of a life so that he might "refract his light through the prismatic shards of our lives."
In the same way a stained glass window is made up of many shards of glass that can seem quite random and even unnecessary by themselves, when you put them together you have a stunning masterpiece.
That's how I think God sees us. Broken but beautiful. Because when we are shattered to the core and the cracks go deeper than we can see, God's glory shines through and that is what everyone else sees.
"Beauty often resides in the peripheries of our lives."
-Makota Fujimura
I love this quote because sometimes the most beautiful things in our lives are the ones we don't see until after they have already passed, and when we look back we see the fingerprints of the creator who was working all along.
There may be things that happen in our lives that really hurt and maybe continue to hurt long after they have happened. And perhaps they don't make any sense at the time, but it's not until after the fact, or maybe years later that you see why those things unfolded.
An analogy my dad made once is that our lives are like tapestries... from the bottom they look like a mess with a bunch of random strings going every which way, which is our perspective on our life circumstances. But from God's point of view, the ultimate weaver and craftsman, he sees the intricate and wonderful story that he is weaving together over time.
When all we see is someone falling apart and broken down, he sees a crown.
I think the song "Keep Making Me" by Sidewalk Prophets says it very well:
Make me broken So I can be healed 'Cause I'm so calloused And now I can't feel I want to run to You With heart wide open Make me broken
Make me empty So I can be filled 'Cause I'm still holding Onto my will And I'm completed When you are with me Make me empty
'Til you are my one desire 'Til you are my one true love 'Til you are my breath, my everything Lord, please keep making me
Make me lonely So I can be yours 'Til I want no one More than You, lord 'Cause in the darkness I know you will hold me Make me lonely
'Til you are my one desire 'Til you are my one true love 'Til you are my breath, my everything Lord, please keep making me
What if we were actually able to get to the point in our walk with Christ where we were able to honestly pray these words?
Only last spring did I start to process some relationships that I have had for a long time and start to allow myself to feel some of the soul wounds that had been formed by them that I didn't even recognize fully until now. Nor did I realize how much they had affected me. It was during this time of healing that God was really sweet to me by giving me the right sort of people that I needed to support me though that process and all in the perfect timing that I needed in order to walk through those steps.
And in the summer of 2019 while I was in Kenya working at Camp BlueSky, I started to see more of the beauty in the brokenness that I had gone through in my past come full circle. I realized there were certain seasons and experiences that I had to go through in order to become the person I needed to be this summer. And that was someone who was much more willing to let her guard down and let people in and let God in to help heal some of those deep soul wounds. By providing people who blew my expectations out of the water of what the body of Christ can look like, I started to recognize some of the preconceived notions that I was still holding on to that were hindering me from growing. God very mercifully broke down those prejudices and was sweet enough to give me people that again and again would wreck me with their intentionality and continued to prove how not everyone has an agenda, but some people just want to love and be loved.
I was floored at how people who had gone through so many hard things in their life could be so willing to fellowship with me and sought to know me on a deeper level than anyone has ever before. That is how the body of Christ was originally created to be, which makes it hard to leave since it feels like a little bit of heaven
The place that I originally heard the term "co-creating with God" was in New Zealand during my GAP year, and it was actually in a reference to prayer.
The gist of it is that God has made us to be creative beings that are created to create. And when we pray, we are speaking things into existence that God can then use to impact our lives and the lives others... in other words "co-creating."
Yes there are times that prayer can be broken down into simply just talking with God...
But I think God also calls us to use prayer in such a more powerful way. To support and intercede for our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world who make up the universal church. It is what connects us in Spirit and what makes up the family of Christ. We are his vessels that have the opportunity to move mountains in Jesus' name.
And if you look back at the root meanings of the word "art" you will come upon the word that was substituted for the verb "to be." You may be familiar with the olden writings of Shakespeare and even the King James Version of the Bible that uses language like "thou art." We were created as those who "art" for a living. The art of living, breathing and being a creation of the Almighty God is the starting point for living out the desire God has hidden in our hearts for more.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned while I was in New Zealand was how God wants to use my art for his glory. Upon arrival I was completely awe-struck at the beautiful creation that God put in front of me, that I immediately got to work. This piece then became iconic as my very own interpretation of the sweet chapel on the hill that I came to have many sweet conversations with the Lord and friends in the wee hours of the night. I knew immediately how real his presence was in this place.
I think one of the most exciting things that happened to me while I was there was that I started to see the world differently. Of course being in one of the most beautiful places on earth didn't make it very hard to do this. But all the same, the earth seemed to be more alive in this hemisphere. Just to walk outside my door felt like I was becoming apart of the divine dance of an orchestrated creation. The grass seemed to be greener, the hydrangeas bluer, the air clearer and the waterfall overflowing with sweeter water than I had ever seen.
My creative juices were brimming with inspiration as I started to draw into the secret places where I would meet with God. Not only did things start to make sense again on this side of the world, but scripture started to jump off the page so that I couldn't get enough of it! I found myself reflecting on many parts of the Psalms and others that seemed to be describing my surroundings and I was overwhelmed again and again at the beauty that God bestowed on this world and how blessed I am to have the privilege to gaze upon it.
What an honor it is to live in a world that is made up of so much beauty, yet God has
"made him [humans] a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor."
Psalm 8:5
We are his crown jewel that he has set above all creation to rule and care for.
And as I start to see more and more of it the more dumbstruck I am at the love God bestows on us in the beauty he has surrounded us with.
I think that is why God has asked me set aside my art as a "Kadosh" for him. That is the Hebrew word for "holy" that God uses to describe himself in the Bible.
I believe God calls us to set ourselves aside and specific things about ourselves as meant to specifically glorify him.
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31
So because my art and myself are both reflections of himself and his creation I take it all very seriously. The fact that I get to play copycat with what God has made just makes me marvel even more at who he is constantly creating me to be. And what's even better is the fact that he invites me to partake in the co-creating process with him because he takes my dreams into consideration and makes them bigger and better than I could ever imagine them to be.
And through prayer and consistent submission to his sovereign will,
I'm learning the beauty of
being swept away into his
perfect will and the
peace that comes
when you let go
and let God.